


and i have made a home here for me

by aaronminyxrd



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Character Study, Short n sweet, also kind of jerejean if u really squint but also not really, basically jean's initial feelings about joining the trojans, kind of but not really sdjfg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 15:17:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13837485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaronminyxrd/pseuds/aaronminyxrd
Summary: When Jean hears from Kevin that he’d like for them to take a trip to California, he didn’t know what to make of it.If anything, he thought he’d be joining the Foxes.





	and i have made a home here for me

When Jean hears from Kevin that he’d like for them to take a trip to California, he didn’t know what to make of it. 

If anything, he thought he’d be joining the Foxes.

And sitting in front of Jeremy Knox, all smiles and warm encouragement, Jean didn’t know whether or not to take offense that Kevin thought he’d be better off elsewhere than with the rest of the most damaged kids in the league, or be somewhat flattered that he even thought Jean deserved a chance at a place like this. 

Regardless, the transition was hard. 

Jean considered himself to be someone not so much in pieces as much as one who was made up of them: barely-there fragments messily glued together to form a person, but too mismatched for him or anyone to try and understand. A hollow shell of a man, he knew he had no business to be where life burst from every corner. 

Despite this, though, the Trojans insisted on trying with him anyway, and Jean was stuck between annoyance at their persistence and confusion from how genuine their efforts seemed to be. It wasn’t that they tried to take him apart piece by piece, hoping to recreate him altogether. Rather, they tried to get to know the pieces already laid out in front of them, examining them as closely as Jean would allow. They encouraged him to speak too, but Jean was never one for words. Most times he just didn’t know what to say.

A survivor wary of the world and the people in it, he didn’t do extensive camaraderie and was at a loss when it came to genuine friendships. Save for Renee, all the relationships in Jean’s life had been forged out of pure necessity. He was quick to suspicion, tight-lipped and obedient to a fault, struggling with his wish for space while yearning for the company of others, unsure of what being by his lonesome would result in as well as being unused to it.

But a few practices after Jean’s official signing, Jeremy had pulled him aside, and life with the Trojans seemed infinitely more promising afterwards.

_ “Listen, if we’re coming on too strong, it’s okay to ask for a moment,” _

And he did, sometimes. Those moments came after good games, where he stepped out for some air during rowdier team celebrations or opted out of that rowdiness altogether. They also came after bad games, where he remained silent for the remainder of the evening, or after rough nights where he woke up panting and slightly afraid, having to spend the morning running or reminding himself of his surroundings, mantras of  _ red and gold, Jeremy making coffee, Alvarez’s corny jokes, Laila’s laughter. Trojans. California. Living. Here, not there.  _

_ “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and to want to be alone. But it’s also okay to...not want to be. In the end, it’s up to you. We’re here when you need us.” _

Jean didn’t think his wariness could ever really subside, but his worries started to ease little by little, and as time with his new team continued to pass, he found himself asking for those moments less, growing to prefer just  _ being  _ with his team, even if he was mostly an absent presence, silent but speaking when spoken to. But he still kept Jeremy’s words in his mind, reminded himself of them in case he ever started to feel overwhelmed. 

In truth, he appreciated the words more than he could admit. Jean couldn’t recall asking for anything in his life just because he  _ could,  _ to have a  _ choice  _ rather than be threatened with petty ultimatums, to learn to forgive himself and have a second chance,  to be the closest to  _ “happy”  _ he can probably ever get. 

The day before his trip to California, Renee had called to ask how he was, tell him how proud she was of him, that she genuinely believed things would take a turn for the better. 

He had expressed his skepticism then, of how well he’d really fit in with the Trojans, if he’d be welcome in the first place. 

_ “I’m sure if you want to go to Palmetto instead, Kevin could help you with that. But you’re not meant for the Foxes, Jean. You know that.” _

Objectively, Jean  _ did _ know that. the Foxes, despite anyone’s reservations about them, were determined. They were fire and fury on and off the court, unbelievably loyal, and unwilling to back down from a fight. Unfazed by the critique of anyone other than themselves, they were confrontational where Jean learned to skirt around conflict, courageous where Jean was cautious, so  _ sure  _ of their beliefs in a way Jean knew he could never truly be.

_ “But the Trojans? Really, Renee? I don’t deserve...I don’t belong there.”  _

_ “Where do you think you belong, then? Where do you want to belong?”  _

Jean had paused at that, unsure of how and what to answer. Looking back, he didn’t think he could come close to even formulating one. 

Now, though, as Jean was pelted with multiple water balloons by his teammates under the California sun, basking in their liveliness and wit and unity, he figured he could probably think up of one or two. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> my boi deserves nothing but happiness


End file.
